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25 April 2013 @ 06:10 pm
Go away LJ.
 
 
14 May 2006 @ 03:25 pm
There are plenty of ways I imagined my life would turn out, all of them included Veronica and Logan somewhere in the picture, whether that was in way of friends or more always changed with everyday life and whether or not they were speaking to me or each other at the time. Somewhere along the line things got really messed up and life began to spiral out of control. It started with Lilly but didn’t end anywhere near her or her death. Not that it’s even ended now but it almost feels final, like my life went from normal to insane in two seconds flat – and I’m talking after I saw my best friend kissing the girl I was still in love with, not before.

I don’t know what possessed me to sleep with Meg, not that she wasn’t amazing or beautiful but as much as I cared about her – and I did – I didn’t love her and I should have known better. Not for my sake but for Meg’s, I should have known that giving into those passions would mean more to her than they had to me. That’s not even to mention the carelessness of those actions, not emotionally, though that was an issue, but psychically.

I broke up with Meg, my relationship with Logan was non-existent and I started to try to rebuild my relationship with Veronica. In the beginning, that was honestly all it was, I’d missed having Veronica in my life and I wanted her back, romantically yes but that wasn’t the goal. I could tolerate seeing her and Logan, even though it stung for more reasons than the obvious, I was willing to just ignore that part of the complicated situation while Logan was off spending all of the time he wasn’t with her – with Dick and Lucky in attempts to make life hell for the lower class.

Then they broke up and somehow Veronica and I ended up back together. Which was great, for the most part, if you ignore the fact that we ignored all of our issues. We never talked about Logan or Shelly’s party, the ‘are we siblings’ issue, Meg or even Lilly. Veronica and I wanted to go back and pretend that two years hadn’t happened – I don’t doubt that if we’d just dealt with some of that, things would have been alright, but we didn’t so they weren’t. When I found out Meg was pregnant it was like the world was crashing around me, I wanted to pretend it wouldn’t affect my relationship with Veronica. I was in denial, I felt like Logan and I were strangers and I couldn’t stand the thought that after everything I’d loose Veronica too.

Then Meg died and with everything we’d found out about the Manning’s I couldn’t just sit by and let them take my daughter from me. My parents weren’t being supportive, there was talk that the Manning’s were just going to take her away and so I did the only thing I could think of. With Veronica’s help I took my daughter and left. I couldn’t imagine life outside of Neptune, without Veronica or Logan – it was hard to see myself anywhere else. I didn’t want to leave Veronica, even though I knew that eventually things with us were going to end, we couldn’t go back and that’s all we’d be trying to do. I didn’t want to leave Logan, especially without an explanation, but it seemed like he was happy enough with the way things were – I wasn’t sure that he’d care that I was gone.

So I left, I went to Mexico, courtesy of Lamb and stayed there for a few weeks. I kept in touch with Clarence Weidman, who helped me set up a new identity without issue and I managed to get back into the country, I settled in this small town in Vermont. I got a pretty decent job and a modest apartment – with a neighbor who adores watching Emily.

Lillian Emily Kane (though my last name has been changed to Johnson); Lilly always told me one of my four kids, she was insistent that I’d have at least four, had to be named after her. So I named her Lilly, but I can’t bring myself to call her Lilly. I’m not sure why, I don’t know if that would make Lilly happy or piss her off but it’s all I can do.

There’s this park where I walk her every morning, she gurgles happily in her baby stroller and watches everything with this kind of fascination that just astounds me. I’ve never really been around babies before – I was terrified when I first left Neptune, what the hell was I going to do? I didn’t know how to be a father. Somehow though I think I’ve gotten the hang of it, with some help from Ms. Lopez and Hannah.

Hannah, who I met one day while walking Emily. She was running, really pushing the limits of human exertion and she practically collapsed on the bench where I was sitting. I don’t know how the conversation started, something about how cute Em was I’m sure because hell if I don’t get more female attention now than I ever have in the past. We started talking; Hannah was at this all girl’s boarding school, her dad had shipped her off because of the guy she’d been dating. A guy I gathered she wasn’t totally over. We hit it off pretty well; it was nice talking to someone without having to delve too far into my past or hers.

She actually offered to baby-sit, joking about how if her dad really knew how lax he rules were at her school that he might send her off to a nunnery, so I took her up on it. Then she started coming over to the apartment, honestly I think it was to see Em, people love that little girl, not that I can blame them – but I’m sure the appeal didn’t have to do with me. I was reluctant at first, I knew that no matter what I was always going to love Veronica but I also knew that I needed to get on with my life. It didn’t help that Hannah wasn’t over her ex either, but one night I just blurted out something that resembled ‘have dinner with me’ and she said yes.

We’ve mostly taken it slow; the first few dates were sufficiently awkward but still nice in that strange kind of balance that I hadn’t really had with anyone before. Well at least not romantically speaking, I can’t say how many strangely balanced situations I’d been in with Logan. Who, for the record I’d come to realize I missed a lot more than I’d expected. I figured since we barely spoke before I’d left that I wouldn’t feel his absence, we’d been like strangers – but I’d been wrong. I regretted not telling him anything, just up and leaving. I should have known Logan better than that, after everything he was still my best friend – he would have cared.

I was lucky I’d found Hannah, she was beautiful, amazing and she loved Emily. It had only been a little over a month since we started dating but I’m already far into the process of falling for her. I almost feel guilty, about everything that I left behind but then Emily smiles at me or I get one of those insanely cute messages from Hannah and as much as I miss things about Neptune there isn’t much I could change. Alright, I take that back. I would change a few things. My relationship with Logan in particular.

Not that I thought that could ever really be fixed. Especially now, after what I’d done – or rather, what I’d had done. Aaron Echolls might have fooled a jury but he wasn’t going to hurt anyone else ever again.

Hannah and I were sitting on the lawn of her school, she didn’t have any more classes and so I’d brought Em and some food for a picnic. She waved casually to her roommate who always made these hooting sounds every time she saw me – I didn’t know what that was about – and then she turned her attention to Emily. I noticed a familiar flash of yellow in the parking lot and I sat up straighter. What the hell?

Sure enough, I watched as Logan Echolls got out of his yellow X-terra and eyed the building warily. He scanned the grounds and I could tell the second he saw us, his body went stiff and then he adopted that typical Logan stance before heading towards us. Hannah hadn’t noticed him; her attention was focused on Emily for the time being.

“What the hell …” Shock wasn’t even the right word to describe what was going through my head. First of all, how had Logan found me? Second of all, why did he seem angry and why was he looking at Hannah like that?

Something fucked up is about to happen, I can just tell.
 
 
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